


17. If It's True

by sweetcheesus



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, god this was hard, there is miscommunication but then there is communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-11-02 13:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20755568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetcheesus/pseuds/sweetcheesus
Summary: Baz is hurt, Simon doesn't understand why, there is communication and there are cuddles.(Please read the previous chapters.)





	17. If It's True

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! so this is my chapter for the round robin, hope you enjoy. This trope is actually hard so I hope I could do it justice. Also thank you @la-dama-de-rosas (in tumblr) for beta reading and for helping me so much with like everything, love you.

**BAZ**

I can't believe that I'm hiding from Snow in my own house. We've been playing this twisted hide and seek for a week now but I just can't help it. I need my time to think about us, about what he said, or what he didn't say. I still don't know. I can't face him not knowing. 

I just can't stop repeating what I recall from that moment. I’ve been like this since that first morning, when I woke up feeling awful. First, I believed I was hungover, and I was, but there was still something bothering me and the fact that I wasn't able to place it was starting to drive me insane. I ignored it. I focused on Snow, who was missing from my immediate line of sight. Just then, a muffled retch came from the bathroom door.  _ Snow _ . I sighed and got up less gracefully than I would like to admit. I walked unsteady steps towards the door and knocked.

“Snow, are you dead in there?”, I asked worriedly. More retching came as an answer. I stumbled into my bed again, my head pounding with each step. After a while, Snow came out of the bathroom, looking as I felt, and flopped face first into my bed, almost on top of me.

Our deplorable state lasted that whole day. Apparently, magical champagne gets you wasted in no time but the aftermath is more tortuous than normal.

Just before dinner, I suddenly understood why I was feeling weird. Mordelia came into my room without knocking, as always, to inform us that dinner was almost ready. After I dismissed her, she murmured something about not knowing why she even tries, that it wasn't worth it. That was it. It was not the effects of the alcohol, it was something Simon said to me that night. He was questioning if I was really worth all the struggles. Yep, that was the second reason of why I wanted to throw up.

We skipped dinner and stayed in my room, mostly talking. Asking Simon if he remembers something from that night has been useless, he swears he remembers everything so fuzzy that nothing makes sense. So I gave up that night. I asked and asked every chance that I got, and every time, Simon looked more and more confused on why I was insisting so much.

I just don’t get it. I don’t get him. One moment he is kissing me senseless, but the next he is literally telling  _ me, _ at my  _ face _ that he doesn’t think I’m worth it.

I needed to think.

So I’ve been avoiding Snow as best as I can. Classes begin rather soon, I think I can keep this up until then. Snow will be easier to ignore at Watford. I just need a few more days.

**SIMON**

So, Baz is ignoring me, again. But this time I don't know what I did. Kinda. I know it has to do with that night we got pissed. He asked about it a lot, and the fact that my memory sucks is troubling him. 

Did I do something? 

Did  _ he _ do something? 

I really need to find him.

I've been searching for him all day long, fearing that I would run into his father, which fortunately hasn't happened. Yet. 

This place is a freaking nightmare. There are too many useless rooms with fancy furniture and decorations that are probably more valuable than my own life. I’m afraid that I will break something, so I’ve been avoiding rooms that look too important, like Mr Grimm’s office. 

I think I’ve memorized this place as I did with Watford years back. By the time I finally find Baz, he’s lurking in a far corner of the library, a place I checked like twenty times. For the first time today he is facing me, and  _ sneering.  _ What the fuck is wrong with him?

“So, you’ve been ignoring me”, he huffs as a response while turning to leave. I grab him by the arm. “Why?”

“I need to think.”

“Yeah, right”

He turns to leave once more, but I’m still grabbing him by the arm. We need to talk, and we will talk, even if I have to follow him and annoy the words out of him.

“What’s wrong?”

He starts chuckling hysterically, “Fucking everything, Simon.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just… Do you know why I asked so much about that night? Because, even if you don’t remember, I do. I remember we were so drunk that nothing mattered, and we started to tell each other secrets. Well, you started. You know what you said? Do you really know? You weren’t sure if I was worth it. Worth everything. And you said it to  _ my _ face. And do you know what the worst part is? I’m not actually sure if that happened. I’m not sure. I didn’t want to accuse you, but I also didn’t want to bring it up in case it’s true. Do you understand what I mean now? Do you really don’t remember?”, he is staring at me intensely, nostrils flaring, waiting for my answer. He’ll have to wait because I don’t have one.

I close my eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I open my eyes and meet his gaze.

“I do not remember. But I can tell you that I don’t feel like that.” ,  I say as calmly as I can. I need Baz to see that I’m confident, that I trust him.

“Like what?”, Baz looks like he is about to punch me or run away. 

“Like you are not worth it. Actually, it’s the opposite. I know that you are worth it, and I’m willing to fight for it. For you. I think we can do this.”, I move my hand to hold his. “Fuck the mage, fuck the old families. Let’s try this, yeah?” I tuck one stray lock of hair behind his ear.

He nods, slowly but sure. He moves, and at first I think he is going to kiss me, but he hugs me tightly to his chest instead. 

**BAZ**

I’m a fool. Simon Snow is a fool. And I’m hopelessly in love with him. I hug him, dying for some comfort after everything, and he is hugging me back with the same intensity. I actually needed this. The reassurance that Simon will stay.

We’ll make this work. 

**Author's Note:**

> And that was it, sorry it's short, this is actually my first fic ever so yeah. I hope whoever is next can do something nice with this.


End file.
